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Show #216: My guest on the show is Duana Welch, Author of “Love Factually”.
Why Smart Successful Women Can Fail at Love
Duana Welch was everything that a strong, intelligent, and independent woman looked like. After pursuing her PhD in developmental psychology, she understood that she had what it takes to be the successful woman that men want to be in a relationship with.
But what Duana couldn’t put her finger on was why she wasn’t being successful in finding love. As a social scientist, she was able to identify the fact that she was having problems, but she couldn’t identify exactly what those issues were and how to go about fixing them to finally meet and marry the man of her dreams.
With a mind that constantly sought out the science behind everything, however, Duana realized that her dating life could serve as the perfect science experiment. On her journey to toward love and happiness, she consulted statistics, studies, and theories about dating and relationships and applied them to her own love life, finding exactly what worked for and didn’t.
Today, with her scientific knowledge by her side, Duana advices her clients on how to find love and the same success that she sought out before finally meeting her husband!
On this week’s show, Duana and I put this very scientific research to the test to find out why smart, successful women can fail at love—the same exact dilemma she faced in her own dating life!
To Find Love, Don’t Always Be the Leader
You’re a woman that has found great success in her professional life—you’re intelligent and educated, and you’re right in line with the type of woman that you feel the men you want to attract are drawn to.
But why do you find yourself struggling to meet and keep the right man interested in pursuing a long-term relationship? With all of your success, why is it so difficult to make a real connection with a man?
According to Duana, the answer to how to find love lies in the fact that the things you’re doing to be successful in the world of business don’t work particularly well in the world of dating and relationships, especially when it comes to meeting men. The research shows that women that are accustomed to the leadership role—the pursuer role—are very often left unrewarded when it comes to making it to that second date.
Don’t allow yourself to appear too eager—make yourself unavailable on occasion. As Duana says, being a fierce leader works in business, but in dating, it’s seen as desperation.
Finding Love Means Not Leading with Your Success
So you’ve started to pull back and to allow him the distance he needs to pursue you, but just as you begin to tell him about your success and accomplishments, he starts to fade away.
Research shows that men are often intimated by a high-profile woman’s success, and so they retreat. On your online dating profile, highlight the aspects of yourself such as your beauty and fun personality, but never dumb yourself down. Be clever and quirky, but don’t lead with elements of your life such as your job or latest promotion—show him that you’re more than just a pretty face, but you’re also more than your education. Remember, it’s what you do—not who you are.
Your Confirmation Bias Can Ruin Your Chances at Finding Love
Now, you’ve finally found a man you think is worth speaking to, but thanks to the confirmation bias that lies within so many of us, you end up discovering red-flag deal-breakers after you’ve emotionally committed yourself to him.
Duana’s best advice is to save yourself the pain and take early action to determine your must-haves and your deal-breakers in relationships. Afterwards, you’ll be able to make a more informed decision as to whether or not you want to emotionally invest yourself and fall in love with him.
Finally, you’ve taken the steps needed to showcase yourself for the woman that you are, separate from the success you’ve found in your profession but entirely complete in all that you have to offer your partner.
In the comments below, let us know your thoughts on Duana’s tips on how to find love!
About the Guest: Duana found that her interests had been shifting over the years to the psychology of relationships. With a PhD in developmental psychology, she was convinced that if she could use her background to help others, she could in turn help herself better understand how romantic relationships work. Duana soon began writing books with dating advice for women.
If you want to know the secrets on where to meet men, then check out my eBook, “The Secrets to Meeting Men!” – Find out how to meet men!
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